Yin Yang on Santa's Bag

02

The change in seasons has it's own definition of beauty. From fall to winter, the moods change along with a new perception of life. Keep the shoes but add a scarf to blend in with the change of wardrobe that the seasons bring. Even Santa decided to go hardcore with a giant red bag that had a bright Yin Yang sign slapped in the middle. I love the change in seasons because of it's significance in our own lives. I feel like I've lived through a buffet of seasons but in all reality, I'm still in infant. From the darkest of seasons to the brightest, I'm left to decide the end result of my own reasons. I still can't fathom how all of life's lessons refine you into who you need to be for the next series of chapters. And compared to all my other Christmas seasons, this winter has been to most defining of them all. I received more than I have given during my past and now I'm left with one question. What am I going to do with it?

I've been re-sculptured to meet the prerequisites of this new lesson to be learned. Take this new job for instance. I've accepted the position that I am in with an opportunity to create my own story. Not too long ago, my Father told me, "Son, you're sitting on the seat of the throne now. Don't abuse it. Take advantage of it!" Originally I thought to myself, 'This is just awesome. I can just kick back, surf facebook, chat on Aim and still get the work that is asked of me done!'. This was me abusing it. Sure everything would've been taken cared of, but instead, I'm going to make something out of this. And so far, I have. My own so called, "Spanish Department" is overwhelming to take on by myself and now I need help. To watch something grow from something so small is divine. People ask why God made people. Theologians would argue, 'To worship him". But I say he finds true passion and satisfaction to watch something he creates grow and become something amazing. And as his creation grows, so does his love for this offspring. I've had the pleasure to watch this creation grow and I'm falling more and more in love with it every single day that I progress.

Besides all of these new opportunities that have opened up to build my future and reestablish my life, there is something I received this Christmas that is more than just an opportunity. I call it a gift; Gloriously wrapped in ribbons that scream vibrantly glowing colors. It confidently carried a shape never seen or drawn by man and was clothed with a beautifully thin sheet of material that can only be interpreted and created by the eyes and hands of God. Wrapped in perfection, this gift was the brightest of them all with just a simple yet pleasantly glowing aura that released a sense of peace and completion. Santa even had to sign a waiver and guarantee of delivery for this special package. His insurance would've never covered any slight mistake or damage to the packaging which meant him possibly losing Rudolph to a meat packaging plant for extra change to pay the rent. But with a sigh of relief, Santa climbed back up the chimney and back into his sleigh only to realize his Yin Yang sign had fallen off of his bag. Watching closely he noticed it floating back down through the chimney. The sign softly breezed through the wind of a cold winter night down the airway and softly landed on one of magnificent ribbons of the gift. Santa simply smiled and began to leave to his next departure. This gift has left me in awe. I can't explain how I feel by just looking at this beautiful gift. But I will tell you that her name is Jessica Sfintu.

It's funny to think how all the things we've been through in the past, has every little bit to do with what we deal with in the present time. From failed jobs and relationships to accidents and uncontrolled unfortunate events, these were the foundations to creating who I am now and how I would maintain what has now been given to me. My path has been made clear and my story has been defined. I know exactly where I need to go and what I need to do to get there. I have the perfect job to build a foundation from. I have the most wonderful woman to grow a lasting relationship with. I have a family that supports me from all angles of life and lastly, I still have the passion I've always had to keep me moving forward. Life may have kicked my ass and tried to change who I was through a series of unsuccessful 'nice guy' routines for the past 6 years, but the tables have turned and the next turn will be made by me.

Hi world, my name is Josh Gomez; And I will ALWAYS be Josh Gomez.

The Ambiance of Introduction

01

I remember walking on Wilshire Blvd. on a gloomy Saturday afternoon. I sound like this has been years ago; as if this memory was buried under a stack of unprocessed paperwork at the DMV. But this actually happened about 6 days ago from today. I was walking on my way to the bank in hopes that I would make it on time before they closed and suddenly it began to rain. I remembered thinking to myself, 'Oh Sunny California, how much you hate me.' It was then that I realized, I have no need to be here. I was not meant to live on these streets; or did I simply choose to not live this kind of life. Regardless of what philosophy you have created, I was sure that my presence at this location was unwanted.

Just to make things clear, I did not come back to California to feel at "home" again. Nor did I want to find out if I wanted to move back because I already knew about all the good things that Georgia had for me. But I came to see old friends. I wanted to spend time with the people that made a difference in my life. For just one last time, I wanted to share a drink and a laugh with those cock suckers. But I only had 2 amazing people to thank for being there. The other huge list can shove a fist in their mouth for ever saying a single word to me. It's amazing how people are so caught up with themselves out there. I simply can't believe I was like that. Georgia has taught me something about hospitality and the true meaning of friendship. I spent more money that I ever have in such a short amount of time, and I think I broke a new record for a waste of my life. Sometimes when you leave for a long period of time, you begin to see things in a different light. Lessons pre-learned, reminders of hate, and friends shedding their skin to reveal who they really are. I've decided to come to terms with California last week in a sense that I will never come back there. That place has created a roseheart made of thorns that I simply haven't been able to break quite yet. You would think friends would make themselves available to see you just to spend an hour before you go. Instead, they completely fade into a pool of, 'I forgot's and 'I have no designated driver'. Some friends, eh? I guess it's true when they say that people change. You hope that they don't, but I've learned that this evolution is inebidable. The value of friendship has become so scarce, similar to today's job market. I guess I got laid off. Can someone point me to the 'un-befriended' line? Hi, my name is Josh and I'm looking for a new friend. Do I get any benefits while I wait?

I've already accomplished so much in Georgia. I've stabilized myself with a great job, bought a new car, lost a ton of weight and found a good school! But I didn't think I would have drama like a great friend completely blowing me off for no good fucking reason. Maybe I did do something....who knows though. They never tell me. They just flee like cowards. I don't need people like that because that's exactly what I fled from in California. Maybe Ca would be a good place for them to grow up. To think I had such a good gift to give for Xmas. Something I felt was so deserving. God, how could I be so stupid!! 'Maybe I should be a nice guy just for this one last time'. HA! Actually that's the third time I say that here in Georgia, and the third time it ends in the same exact way. What am I doing wrong? 'Stop being a nice guy.' Alright then, it's settled.

I can careless if anyone ever happens to read this, but the point of this new season is to be completely personal. The last one has set the stages for who I will become and now it's time for me to embrace this new life, this new person birthed through a series of unfortunate events, this realization of finally knowing who I really am. I've been here for about 8 months, and still haven't really met a really good friend. I almost did. Turns out I was mistaken. I don't even have a good reason for that either. The curtains have come to a close in Los Angeles. That forsaken city has bid me a hardy farewell and I to them. Maybe that was all that was needed to move on. Although I wish I hadn't moved on with a thorn for a heart. My only one chance to feel alive again has fled, my music instruments have been broken, and my passion to pursue a solution has been smashed. But what hasn't been broken is my will to stay alive. I've learned that life doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to be lived.