"Routine, Routine, Routine! Everyday, it's the same damn thing!" These broken pieces of glass is still stuck somewhere inside of me, tearing and digging itself deeper into my emotions ever so effortlessly. Everyone has a button they don't want pressed, however, this piece of impending disaster has just replaced my button with a time bomb that's slowly ticking me into a psychotic mode of paranoia. How long is this bomb going to keep ticking for!!! I want this stupid fucking contraption out of my body!!! I'm a walking cyborg with this metal that my body had quickly adopted onto to my heart making this is a constant battle to keep my heart from evolving into pure machine. Walls keep crawling up and the worst case scenarios flood my mind like Hurricane Katrina, overflowing out of my fingers and pores.
*Ring* "Thank you for calling Accu Auto, this is Josh, how can I help you?..."
Anyways....where was I?
I keep thinking about my thinking and how my thinking could help me stop thinking. But it's like holding a mirror in front of another mirror creating a infinite number of parallel universes. Is this what it's like to be God? Hold a mirror and create another world as fake as Los Angeles? This thinking is multiplying my fears into infinity and the cure is long far away from me. I'm no psychiatrist but I'm starting to think I need one. My heart is heavy, my mind is spinning, and my bones are shivering. I can't spend a single day away without getting lost in this whirlpool of ticking time bombs. I feel better typing this and letting this out though. Maybe I shouldn't continue this metacognition. She is right when she says to just talk and let it out. The problem is I have no one to talk to when we're away. That's when I need it the most. But typing this to a web encoded text box seems to help me lower these mechanical walls much easier. They were brick walls before but now they're titanium. I don't remember ordering an upgrade...Hmm...
4 minutes until I leave this place. I have gotten nothing done at work due to my thoughts, this bomb, this glass, and this metacognition. 3 minutes before I storm out of this place and into my car as I blast an endless sea of music that reminds me of truth to embrace my turmoiled spirit. 2 minutes and I'll walk out of these doors to a brighter sky to remind me that I just need one more day. 1 minute left as I take this cyborg of mine out for a walk because I think I need to find out how to turn the power off on it. 5:30, it's time to go home and pull myself together before I regurgitate my feelings into a pool of hopeful sorrows.
In other words...I really need you right now...
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