An Empty Man's Proverbs

08


"He who has a why can endure any how" - Friedrich Nietzsche
"Anything unattempted remains impossible" - Anonymous

You get to a place in your life when you realize the kind of person you really are. I never really cared for that growing up. It never had crossed my mind to even want to figure out who I am as a social tag number under this money-sucking community. But since turning 24, its had its moments. For being as young as I am and living through the things I have, I feel like nothing is impossible for me. I've starved and I can starve again. I've lived months with nothing and I can do it twice over. Of course I wouldn't really want to do that but maybe that is why moving out into my own place again doesn't scare me. I've done a lot of realizing this year about myself. Old wounds can very much open up at anytime. It's not about getting over something. A wound can leave you "handicapped". I should be carrying an emotional blue handicap sign. That way I get first dibs on parking spots at psychiatric facilities and wal-mart. I'm sure everyone has their own time of realizing who they are at different ages of their lives. But what really questions me is, what happens exactly that just turns the switch on? I'm not quite sure what had happened for me to realize it but it just sort of...happened. "Oh Hi! I'm Josh. This is who I am!" Reply to self "ohhhhhhhh".

When you realize what you want and what you're ambitions are, you start to change. The way you look at things. The way you treat people, friends, family, pets. Everything! Suddenly time spent with Mom is worth every second to you. You're left breathless when you see the one you love with bed hair and sweat pants, but they still shine like diamonds. It gets to the point where you're no longer worried about things when they go to crap. You just know that things are going to be fine. It's that very faith that determines your strength. And because of this, you fight. It doesn't matter how hard you were smashed into the ground, you fight and fight until you get back up. Even if you keep getting smashed back down over and over again. You climb back. This time, seven times stronger! It's not about doing the "life" thing over and over or following some sort of trend that the media has led us to believe is "life". But you fight because you realize the value that you and those around you, ARE. And the fight is worth every sweat, tears, and blood. I live for myself. I live for my family. I live for my love and I live for my friends. Even though this world has been contaminated with the idea of capitalism, this life is worth a fight. For them. For me.

I've finally paid off all of my things. And I'm ready to move into a new territory. This marks the half way point and I'm excited. I'm still fighting through my obstacles and demons. I've been able to calm the war in my mind through the re-furbishing of my beliefs. I remembered why I had nothing to worry about. I remembered where my hope and example of strength came from. My life is coming back to normal. If God really did design the perfect people in my life, he must truly know me well.